Sick
by GraphiteHeron
Summary: How do our favorite shinobi cope with various illnesses? [Next up, Sasuke with Chicken Pox:]
1. Ear Infection

**Sick**

**Author's Note: How do you think our favorite ninja would handle training while also combating various illnesses? Think it might be funny? Heron thinks it might be funny too, and decided to step into the humor category. First up, Neji, poor Neji, and the possible ramifications of an inner ear infection. Others will come later if y'all think this is worth continuing. Tell Heron what ya think! Uh, please? Heh, so, is this worth continuing?**

He knows that should he go and see a medic, they'll tell him to refrain from training. But there's an important mission coming up for the relatively young, newly-minted jonin, and he isn't going to stop training just because he doesn't feel good. He is shinobi after all, and 'not feeling good' is not an excuse to let himself become weak. Never mind lacking his usual grace, and never mind that his usually ghostly complexion seems even paler, if possible, he is going to train and nothing is going to stop him.

Neji is forced to eat his earlier thoughts as the ground stops him quite nicely. He thinks he might hear someone sighing in exasperation, but everything sounds so muted…is he under water? No, no, he can't be under water. He's in the middle of his training field. He tries to shuffle to his feet, but the damnable ground moves again and even has the audacity to smack him full in the face. Despite the pain in his nose, however, his ears hurt more and that's what bothers him. That and he feels like he might be afflicted with the dry heaves any second now.

Dizzy doesn't begin to describe him. The ground is spinning so fast that Neji wonders why he's not falling into the sky, and the sensation is nauseating. He doesn't have the time or spare concentration to realize he's in a less than dignified position. Normally one would not stop by the training field and be able to see the _great _Hyuga Neji with his face on the ground, his rear in the air, and his arms splayed rather uselessly to the side, but today is not normal.

"And people call you a genius." The woman's voice is flat, unimpressed. She's not even amused so much as completely exasperated with his less than genius antics. "Neji, don't you have the brains enough to stay home when you've got an ear infection?"

He'd like to answer, defend himself, but with a mouthful of dirt it's rather difficult to speak. Neji, at this point, would very much like to roll over and die from the humiliation. Instead, he gives a non-committal grunt and tries to glare but it's difficult when the woman knows him well enough to know his eyes are crossed, despite there only being miniscule difference in the shades of white between the irises and pupils of his eyes.

"Neji…" Tenten sighs again, and for once, her glare is more potent than his own. "You're an idiot. Now let's get you to the hospital so they can fix you and get you back on your feet. Literally."


	2. Chicken Pox

**Sick**

**Author's Note: Back by popular demand! Okay, two wonderful, precious reviewers said continue, so Heron's continuing. Though, trying to find mildly annoying conditions that can be turned into humor is a little more difficult than Heron expected. So, if you know someone who's been seriously hurt or died from one of the illnesses that Heron is making fun of, well, sorry. There's no insensitivity intended. Next up, Uchiha Sasuke and the wondrous experience of chicken pox! If Heron keeps up like this, people are going to think she's a Sasuke-basher/hater. Heron's not, really, it's just that Sasuke painted a target on his back right next to his family crest with that attitude of his, and then going off to Orochimaru… Heron does, believe it or not, like Sasuke. This does not mean she's going to go easy on him. Heron likes Neji too, and see what she did to _him_ last chapter. **

Normally it's Naruto's thing to scratch himself in public, because he has no dignity, at least, not in the traditional sense. Sasuke is not one to let himself be seen doing the baser things, such as scratching himself in public. He likes to let the public think he's perfect. But today, that illusion is totally blown.

Sasuke tries to keep his hands still, but the burning urge to scratch something, _anything_, is just too damn strong. Cursing internally, he lets his hand inch to a particularly bothersome spot on his abdomen, where the skin is more sensitive. Errant giggles convince him to stop and rest his twitching hands at his sides again. He glares at the three young faces in front of him. This is all their fault.

No, really, it is.

If Kabocha had had the sense not to show up for training two weeks ago, then Satsumaimo and Sumomo wouldn't have gotten sick. In turn, if Satsumaimo and Sumomo had had the sense not to show up for training when they got sick, Sasuke wouldn't be sick too.

Argh! If there's still anyone out there who still thinks Chicken Pox is a kids-only disease, Sasuke promises them a slow, excruciating death. That is, after he puts Inuzuka Kiba's head on a spike for not only laughing, but also making choice remarks about the relevance of Sasuke's hair style.

The plum-haired kunoichi-in-training giggles again, and Sasuke sends her a glare that tells her quite graphically that she can rot in Hell for all he cares. Sumomo isn't afraid. Instead, she holds out the fruit basket she's been hiding behind her back.

"We hope you get well soon Sasuke-sensei!" she tells him perkily. The boys snigger. A streak of orange, followed by a streak of brown hit the ground as Sumomo knocks them both down head first.

"Teacher's pet," Kabocha mutters, rubbing his orange hair where a lump is steadily growing. Sumomo hits him again, saving Sasuke the trouble of giving the boy a sound cuffing upside the head.

Sasuke finds that for just this moment, he can ignore the burning, itching little red dots all over his body, and allows himself one tiny, tiny smile.

**Author's Note: Okay, maybe Heron will go easy on him. For anyone who's wondering about the students' names, Sumomo means plum, Satsumaimo means sweet potato, and Kabocha means pumpkin. At least, Heron thinks she got the translations right. Well, this chapter probably isn't as funny as the first one, but Heron tried. What do y'all think?**


End file.
